so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
