I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
