don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
