You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
