If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize