we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize