No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
