I wish life had little blips of pornography
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
