The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
