My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
