duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
