I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
