Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
