It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
