Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
