i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
