peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
