he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
