oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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