I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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