Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just high enough for therapy.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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