i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
