ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm always down for nudity.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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