somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
