Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
