I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When are your genitals available?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
