Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
