I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we're making bets on your personal life
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
