Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
