I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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