Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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