If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
