you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
