I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
