id be glad to
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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