Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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