Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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