3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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