before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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