your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
