Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
