I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
