he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
