There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
