you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
