Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
