So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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