she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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