I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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