i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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