The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
