I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
