we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
