I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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