we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
