You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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