im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
