that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
