she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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