thus making me awesome and them whores
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
