Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize