1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
