he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I could fuck to npr.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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