if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
