Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
