I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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