oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
