I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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