i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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