And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
