he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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