I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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