Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
