I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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