I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
