I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
