there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize