big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
