We're like a lot better than the average bears
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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