How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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